Friday, January 2, 2009

"An Empty Tube of Toothpaste"; Revisited

Back when I first moved to Florida I started a blog. Much like this one except I only wrote in it three times and that was it. Shocking right? Me not finishing something I start. Anywho.

Well I called it "The Brycrasch Blog" which I thought was so clever and I tried to make it all trendy and cool but I knew nothing about web design at the time so all I could do was what blogger allowed, which clearly stifled my creative expression. If you want to see it click here.

That story has a point, and it isn't to redirect you to my old blog with the awful color scheme. Today I was reading all three of the posts on there and one of them struck me because of my current situation. You may know, you may not, but a very dear friend of mine moved away recently. It has been really hard for myself and all of this person's friends to cope with. Well the first blog I wrote was called "An Empty Tube of Toothpaste". When I read it, it really hit close to home. Instead of explaining it, I am just going to copy and paste the parts that were really poignant to me. So here it is:

Sections from "An Empty Tube Of Toothpaste"
Originally posted on The Brycrasch Blog, April 2007

"Goodbyes are so confusing to me. Why is it is so hard to show your true feelings of sadness when someone you love leaves you? In life, especially my life, goodbyes are inevitable; goodbye to your old friends, goodbye to the day, goodbye to the carton of expired milk in the fridge. Eventually we, as human beings have to say goodbye to everything. This is what we have been taught anyway. But I have found that this theory is so much easier said than done. For example: Tomorrow is Friday, April 13th, 2007. This means, aside from the bad luck bestowed upon the superstitious, that many members of Building 25 in my complex are leaving for their reals homes in Utah, or Minnesota, or whatnot. Their contracts here at Disney officially end tomorrow. It is so strange to see them leaving. It feels like our clothes still have the wrinkles from being in our suitcases during the long trip down here four months ago. I have grown closer and farther then closer to these people throughout their stay here and I don’t want to see them go. I really love them. I have the strongest feelings inside of me concerning them. But when I come face to face with them at the time of our final goodbye...I choke. All that comes out is small talk, chopped up and separated by awkward silence. I love these people, I really do. I just can’t get the love to come out of me so I can show it to them. I feel like an old tube of toothpaste and I am unsuccessfully trying to squeeze the last smudges of goo out onto my toothbrush..."

It will be so weird to not have him around. I kinda wish that I could have the mentality that the Disney Corp. has sometimes. As soon as your contract is over they ship you out. No goodbyes, no waiting period, no time to grieve, just business. As soon as they don’t control your schedule you need to get the hell out of their houses. Sometimes it feels like it would be so much easier if everyone had this mentality. But then again, isn’t that what life is about? Making connections with people? Maybe that is why it is easier for me to let people go; because I feel connected to the ones I love even when we are apart. I have so much love for the people leaving me tomorrow and I want to show it to them so bad. But, like I said, that is so much easier said than done."

To see the original post click here.

I miss you

1 comment:

Miranda said...

Yes, making relationships is what life is about. Disney doesn't have that part right. I'm so sorry, love. I know how you feel. Every time I think about possibly being separated from you or other friends, tears come into my eyes. Don't stop loving people, even if you have to say goodbye. That's what makes you who you are.Saying goodbye is not necessarily the end, but I do understand how much it hurts. You are so loved.